Politics…and choices

This last weekend we had an election here in Aus and, 3 days later, it’s still going on, largely because the outcome is so close that no one knows who won, and we can’t form Parliament because it’s so close. So, what this means is that whichever of the 2 political parties forms our new government will be there because of the support of 3 independents and two MPs from minor parties – not because the Australian people voted them there.

This election has variously been described as a rollercoaster, a joke, mindless, a fear campaign and an election in which many people did not want to vote because we couldn’t decide which of the two leaders of the main political parties we disliked the most!

For me, it’s been interesting observing the campaign, and the responses by my family and friends. Maybe elections bring out the worst in us? As a swinging voter, I didn’t vote for either of the main parties but still nonetheless think that a conservative government is a bad idea – especially for climate change, which several important people don’t believe in, and also over the issue of asylum seekers. Unfortunately, the alternative isn’t really much better: a party that turned on one of our most popular politicians, Kevin Rudd, and of which several members are pro-abortion.

You know how it’s often said that the best parents are those that try to raise their kids to think for themselves??? Well it doesn’t make it easy for the kids! I’ve never voted the same as either parent in 3 elections, and they rarely vote the same, and sometimes I think how much easier it would be if they followed one particular way of thinking, in all fields of life, not just politics, so that then they could just make the decision for me. It means I have to do my own research around election time, and it means that we haven’t necessarily fully agreed on decisions like me moving to the city to study, or about the way that my sister’s affairs have been managed with her disability. But what I do love about them is that they never, ever, force their beliefs or opinions on me. Everything is open to discussion. It means decisions have been hard to make, when I’ve gone to them for advice and they’ve told me it’s up to me. And it means the responsibility for those decisions falls squarely on me. But I also know that they are there for me when I need them, and vice versa, and that one of the reasons we all love each other so much is because we’re so different. We would drive each other insane if we thought the same, acted the same, even voted the same! (Because it would always be in the back of my mind if I voted exactly the same as my dad that it would be his vote, not mine, or if I chose to study only music or theology that it would be my mum’s decision, not mine.)

And this brings me to a rather lighter subject, one that still involves a choice but is probably a much more interesting subject to read about. In a previous post I mentioned a 4-sided triangle, in a joking way because it amused me. And, well, I’ve got a question to put to any readers (if there are any amidst all the spammers…haha) because this is a situation I can’t make up my mind about. It might not even be a real situation, but I’m having fun writing this and imagining that it is

Let’s say, hypothetically, that there are 2 potential candidates in an election…but a different kind of election. I’ll list the facts about each of them, and see what they look like on paper:

B—-

Age: 21

Occupation: student, studying international business, in his second year of four

Languages: Indonesian, a local dialect, and quite good English

Hobbies: computing, gaming, going to the gym, hanging out with friends

Height: 169cm (same as me)

Build: average, but muscles (from the gym!)

Hair/eye/skin colour: Dark, dark and tanned lightly

Style: classic. Jeans, a nice shirt/jacket

Other notes: loves his family. His friends all love him. Always nice to everyone. A bit shy, but friendly. Likes inspirational quotes, and always seems to be positive. The very cute and always likeable guy who has lots of girls falling for him but rarely returns their feelings, but is too nice to say so… and keeps a lot of his thoughts to himself. Always has a smile and laughs – but not the romantic kind.

G—-

Age: 22

Occupation: student, in his 4th and final year of international business, hoping to come to Aus on a scholarship

Languages: Indonesian, local dialects, quite good English

Hobbies: not sure… internet, movies, music, his pet dog

Height: ?? shorter than me!

Build: slim

Hair/eye/skin colour: dark, dark and pale

Style: always well-dressed. Skinny jeans.

Other notes: seems to like Western ways and Westerners. Talks about his feelings a bit… and shows it when he’s upset. The handsome guy who falls only for those girls who don’t return the feelings – and so he gets his heart broken after baring it for the world to see. Sweet might sum it up, and very romantic. But hard work; the sort of guy who needs reassurance and who has unspoken expectations, and wouldn’t say to your face if he’s upset.

So, there’s the dilemna. I don’t like leading people on. But keep swinging between them, after one has just recently indicated interest again, while the other has remained loyal and nice throughout because that’s the nice guy he is. I know who I lean towards at the moment, but it could change and if there is a real decision to make, it needs to be made soon before a heart gets broken.

Who would you pick?

can you have a 4-sided triangle??

You know in your classic soap operas you usually have one girl and two guys chasing her? Or, sometimes, one guy, two girls chasing him…

Well, I’m about to tell you a funny story, that happened ohhh about a month ago to ohhh, shall we say a friend of mine? And it is MUCH more complicated than a typical soap opera

Characters in this story:

R: female, age 22, from Australia, from whose perspective the following events unfolded and whom, it should be noted, is an innocent victim of circumstances and who went to an exotic location with no intention of any of this occurring!

S: female, age 20, from South Asia, a very beautiful young lady who really really missed home and her parents, and who became close friends with R during the 10 days in the exotic location.

G: male, age 22, native of that exotic place who had spent considerable time in an English speaking country and so, as a result, could speak good English and was kind of officially a guide and MC and spokesperson on several occasions. And, it should be noted, very handsome.

B: friend and classmate of G’s, age 21, male and also native of that exotic location. A little shy but always helpful, and, it should be noted, rather cute as well

SETTING

That aforementioned exotic location.

PLOT

Our story begins at the airport of a certain city in that exotic location, when a large group of foreign tourists, including S and R, arrived, and were met by a group of locals, including G and B. G announced that S and R would be going in a car with him. And on the drive it emerged that he wanted to apply to Australia for a scholarship so R thought she would be nice and try to help him.

When R tried to talk to him and make general conversation, however, he would not look at her, and largely spoke to S. S was happy for the first time in a few days and clearly warmed to G, so much so that she stayed with him for most of the day…and R thought oh well, he doesn’t like white people and made friends with the others and pretty much ignored him.

That night, a group of them went to church and S sat apart from the group with G. R looked around and saw B sitting by himself so invited him to sit with her and the other women, alhough she couldn’t even remember his name and actually thought he was someone she’d spoken to earlier that day haha. He was rather shy and clearly nervous about sitting with them, but was friendly enough.

Well, over the next few days S spent a lot of time with G and a lot of time in front of the mirror! (Although she was already very beautiful) And G continued to ignore R, who by this time had become more comfortable with B, if teasing someone all the time is comfortable! And S seemed to approve of this, though on outings, when the four of them were usually put together, B clearly wasn’t comfortable sitting in close proximity to R. Still shy?

As time went on, however, it seemed to R that G and S weren’t spending as much time together, that S no longer seemed as happy, and that G seemed to be avoiding her – and talking to R more often. Meanwhile S tried to encourage B to spend more time with R, but perhaps B was a little tired of R‘s teasing…

Well, on the last night, G approached R with a gift and clearly wanted to talk with her alone… but suddenly they were surrounded by a group of curious friends so nothing came of it. And later that night, G and B came to S and R‘s room to play a game and R and G seemed to be getting along wonderfully… and R began to wonder, hmm? And hints that friends of G‘s had been giving suddenly seemed a little clearer…

Somehow, the next day, on the drive to the airport, S and R were separated from G and B, but at the last moment just  before boarding the plane, G and B arrived to say goodbye and were both clearly upset. G cried, and when R hugged him twice he didn’t want to let go. B was a bit tougher, though obviously upset also. R got G‘s phone number from a friend and sent him an SMS saying she would return and not to be too upset… and when she got back to Australia, he sent her an  SMS saying how much he missed her, and messages on facebook, and replied to any of her messages – for a week. And then it all changed.

He started writing public messages to S, saying how much he missed her… and R wondered what she’d done wrong and if she was supposed to contact him more or be more supportive instead of teasing him? So she tried email, after spending a few days in hospital…and it took him a week to reply.

So, R concluded that it doesn’t really matter anyway because she didn’t even think he was interested in her until the last day and after knowing him for only 10 days it’s not so bad. And meanwhile, her and B kept contact as friends and she continued to tease him – except now he began to tease her back. And they continue even now to keep contact, quite a lot actually in the online world, and she has concluded that at least her and B can tease and joke with each other and he’s used to it

 But she does still wonder what happened to seemingly change G‘s mind, and, if he really does like S so much, whether he’d be willing to move to South Asia since she missed her family so, so much – and whether she really is still interested in him since she still has a boyfriend – though a complicated situation.

So, the situation can be summed up like this:

S liked G although she is in a relationship with someone else

G liked R, although she thought he didn’t at first

R liked B, although it seemed like B did not see her that way, so she was happy to be friends

B apparently had a crush on S to begin with

 

But now, to all appearances…

G likes S

S is still in a relationship with someone else, and gives nothing away in the online world

R has given up on G and has concluded she will never understand why guys cry or give gifts or hugs!

And R and B are friends and continue to tease each other a lot, and R is looking forward to seeing him and all the others at the end of the year at that exotic location

 

AAARGH!!! What. A. Mess.

Luckily this story didn’t involve me  

Being Left-Handed

So according to European and Judaean mythology, the left hand is bad. The Bible talks about being seated on the right hand of God. In politics we talk about the right wing and the left wing… with left wing politicians often portrayed as socialist and binge spenders and future global dictators. My grandfather was apparently beaten at school for writing left-handed – and this was a common practice at the time.

Well as a right-handed person I’m a part of the majority population… or I was until Monday. Am using my left hand to type this at this very moment. The reason? Unexpected surgery on Monday on my right hand. A month ago I cut my index finger when opening a can and didn’t go to hospital at the time because of looking after my sister – and she screams if she goes near a doctor. Anyway cut a tendon and a nerve, and so lucky that the surgery was just in time and the surgical team managed to fix things up. Now it will be a full 3 months before it will be back to normal.

My mother, bless her, came all the way to the city and even drove in the city despite a fear of city driving. And now just resting, though I should be studying haha… Painkillers are good atm, but too relaxing!

Anyway, back to the subject of this post: left-handedness. It’s so interesting that the left is associated with all that is bad, which is the case in Indonesia… and of course in English is it a coincidence that the word ‘right’ means correct and true? So does this mean that left-handers are, as the minority, evil? Of course not! From the perspective of the 21st Century that statement’s ridiculous, but it was true only 100 years ago.

And, if that’s the case, does that mean that the gay and lesbian community is evil because they are different, just like left-handers? From my perspective, no. Who are we to pass judgement on others? The only person we can judge is ourselves, because ultimately we are the only people who have control over ourselves. Too often in history the different have been shunned, persecuted, labelled… the dark-skinned, other religions, the disabled. And this is no different. “To mouth the sayings of Jesus is religious, but to act on them is revolutionary,” goes one of my favourite quotes. And too often I think we forget that Jesus ate among “sinners”, that he talked to a Samaritan woman who was “living in sin” and, most importantly, he told those who judged to “turn the other cheek” and “let the person who is faultless throw the first stone’ (if stoning someone). The world has enough judgement and criticism in it… let’s try to walk in the footsteps of Jesus and love our neighbours instead.

Anyway this will be my last post for a while – typing left-handed is sooo slow.

Apathy – and being Aussie

Usually I’ve seen the word ‘apathy’ used in a religious context. But isn’t it just as present in other contexts?

A friend of mine in Sulawesi made a joke about the boat we were on being bound for Australia… Clearly the issue of asylum seekers and boat people coming to Australia isn’t confined only to Australia.

This is an issue that’s quite personal for me. If my best friend hadn’t been granted asylum, we’d never have met. And so it’s hard to understand the huge outcry and rejection of boat people here. We have so much. We waste so much. We are largely ignorant of circumstances in other countries – even from within our own region. So why are we not open? If 50,000 people illegally overstay their visas each year, surely we should be more concerned about them than 2000 asylum seekers. Because the people I know who have been granted asylum didn’t even aim for Australia; they just wanted to get away. And when they did make their way to Australia, they were incredibly grateful.

Is Australia’s view of the world viewed largely through the lens of tourism - i.e. trips to Bali and Thailand? I’m not going to exclude myself from this, because I’ve also been guilty of looking down on people outside Australia. I’ve complained of having no money… when friends I’ve made recently have told me stories of how they’ve just struggled to survive.

You know, we’re told here that Australia’s one of the best countries in the world and everyone wants to come here. Am yet to find evidence of that! And usually non-western people have only heard of Sydney – if that. One stereotype that always annoys me is that there are 200 million Indonesians practically on our doorstep waiting to invade and take money from Australians… HA!

In returning from Sulawesi, as happened last year when I returned from Indonesia, I haven’t been happy. When landing at the airport it didn’t feel like coming home. Usually – unless something awful happens – I’m happy wherever I am, especially when travelling around. So this is an unusual feeling… because Australia doesn’t feel like home and I miss Indonesia so much. The climate, the food, the people (excluding those who stared and those who saw me as a source of income) – both Indonesian and the wonderful participants from all over the Asia Pacific - the scenery, the language…

While it’s true that usually no one likes coming home after a holiday, I also love Indonesia. Language class is empty if compared to being there. Reading Indonesian history in a textbook seems dry and a shadow of the real thing. Seeing my friends’ status updates on facebook just makes me miss it all the more.

Maybe it would be worth considering living there for a while. I’d think about it next year but honours… so maybe the year after. Anyway will go back at the end of the year and, meanwhile, read as much about Indonesian Studies as I can and plan an honours topic around it. But to read about it – or to live it? I know which one I’d rather.

*sigh*

Skin colour

So yesterday I got back from Indonesia after spending 10 days in Sulawesi on the most awesome trip EVER. It was for a meeting for the World Student Christian Federation, and there were delegates from all over the Asia Pacific and many from Indonesia. I made so many wonderful new friends and am missing them so much.

What reflections from the trip, then???? TRY EVERYTHING!!! I ate dog, bat and snail (disgusting) and tried local wines (also disgusting). Climbed a hill and walked around hot springs. Went snorkelling at a beautiful reef. Public speaking every day and public singing. Talked English and Indonesian and learned words in, for example, Tagalog, Cantonese, Korean, Bangla, Udur, Khmer, Thai and Manadonese. Laughed so much. Hugged people lots, joked a lot. Learned so much.

Here in Aus, as part of a majority white population, I don’t stand out, and I like it that way. Invisibility is good because if people observe you, they make judgements. I’d rather they not know much about me and are left wondering or curious, if they even notice me. But there, I was the only participant with white skin – and, thankfully, the local hosts and other delegates all treated me as they treated each other. In Sulawesi, however, people stared - a lot. Some men were quite rude; others were nice if they didn’t stare. Women wanted their photos taken with me. Guess I should be flattered. In Java last year the same thing happened. A group of Asian tourists lined up and wanted their photo taken with me. But I don’t like it at all. And in restaurants I was addressed as ‘ma’am’ while my Asian friends weren’t. Not good.

A friend of mine once said that there’s still a racial hierarchy in Asia in the way people think. At the top, white, then Chinese, then Indian, then at the bottom indigenous people like Indonesians or Filipinos. And I think he might be right. Why does this still happen? Are we not the same inside?? Here, although three of my closest friends are Asian, we are the same – or rather, we treat each other the same. It’s times like this that I’m ashamed of my own ‘race’, if such a term is even real. I hate how just because my skin is white, my hair is light and my eyes are blue, it is assumed that I am a rich Westerner, that I will behave a certain way… Not sure what I can do about it though, besides try to treat everyone the same. Any suggestions????

Anyway one solution is to go out in the sun a bit more because my skin is SO white.

Am missing Sulawesi and my Indonesian and other Asian friends soooo much. So many Australians since I’ve returned have seemed loud and coarse and complaining… is that what we’re really like? Oh dear. Maybe I should consider changing citizenship . Really miss friends like Sarah, Dara, Jou-Jou, Dave, Perry, Necta, Yong, Andika, Effy, Sunita, Immanuel, Etta, just to list a few… and especially missing Grery and his sweet ways and his smile and laughing at Brian, even if I was always mean to him and teased him constantly.

Have got so many  thoughts about the trips and reflections about the people I met. But it’s late, and uni has already started – and have an assigment due on Sunday already. So… goodnight.

Btw thanks everyone for the lovely comments on this blog. It’s encouraging to know that my life is even a bit interesting for others!

P.S. I know my grammar’s terrible, but this isn’t a university essay so forgive me please!!!

Reading Minds

On a whim today I typed ‘how to read minds’ into Google. Here’s a rough summary of what came up:

1) First page: “watch for changing of pupil size to know if someone is interested in you or what you have to say. Shrinking of pupils generally mean the person is not interested… Besides judging the general level of interest and/or receptivity to you, you can use pupil size to go a little deeper into a person’s mind.” 

Clearly whoever wrote this piece is capable of concentrating on more than one thing at once - unlike me - and is obsessed with finding out if random strangers are attracted to them. Moving on…

2)    The second: a google book: ‘How to Read Minds & Other Magic Tricks’.

 Not very promising at all, if mind reading is a magic trick. Moving on…

3)  Given that the title of the page was ‘Mind Control’, and it later mentioned ’send money, pay this much and save this much’, the third looked a bit dodgy. But it did examine people’s reactions to questions like ‘pick a number, any number’ and was kind of interesting, from a quantitative, purely psychological point of view.

*headache*

4) FINALLY! Something kind of useful… Once again it talked about the pupil thing (who watches other people’s pupils anyway? STALKER!) and then went on to talk about body language… except it didn’t say what body language meant. So, you could have a nervous twitch, which could mean you’re really nervous, you’ve drunk too much red bull or have muscular problems… Far too many options. And the article also suggested actually listening to what people say… hmm.

It also divided mind reading into the supernatural (like ESP), the scientific (neurosicence & brainwaves) and the psychological (human behaviour and characteristics). Which was fascinating but not useful at all, although the listening thing does actually make sense…

So where does this leave me? Clearly reading minds is much more complex than I first thought… How does that dude on Lie to Me do it so well??!

A few months ago I had dinner with an elderly couple who had moved just a few streets away from me in the city. They’d known mum and, by extension, dad for years through church, and had said hello to me each Sunday back in the days when I still lived with my parents. And, funny, they wanted to know all about my father ‘because we don’t know anything about him at all’. That was a surprise, that you can know someone for years and yet not really ‘know’ them or be able to read them. So I invented a few wonderful stories (kidding).

Anyway, where has this post and this train of thought come from? From spending a few days with my parents and realising that we know each other far too well, to the point of being able to predict what each other is going to say! It’s also come from time spent with Huong the other night, when we finished each others’ sentences and reminded each other of the foods we don’t like [you don't eat dairy when you have a cold, right? ... and, no cinnamon in that cake, so you'll like it]. Scary. Like a married couple. REALLY scary, that thought! And from time spent with Lee, another good friend in the country, when she said exactly what I was going to say and when we walked in sync with each other. And it also came about because of something I wrote, which the grandma of a young friend completely misread and interpreted as applying to that other friend – which ended up in that friend being in huge trouble. When the grandma could have just asked me what I meant

It’s amazing how if you already have an idea in your head, how you will view ‘the facts’ through those lenses. How if you want something to be true, you emphasize particular things at the expense of other things. We all do it. And look for facts to fit our hypotheses. I’ve done it. I find myself still doing it and trusting my own version of things when I know the otherwise is true. We all do it.

I’m absolutely terrible at reading people, which is why I usually just ask them straight out what they’re thinking. If someone’s angry at me, I’ll ask a blunt ‘why’ instead of trying to figure it out… which could be quite frustrating for those I care about who are quite sensitive and would rather me reflect on that ‘why’ if I’m the one at fault. Sometimes it’s easy to think that everyone acts logically, or like you would, or according to textbook… and in fact that’s not the case because we’re all so diverse.

Of course, there are things like facebook, and twitter, and blogs… but ultimately, what we choose to reveal here, in the virtual world, may not be what we’re actually thinking at all. I love facebook in that you can be anything or anyone you want to be at a given time. In the online world you can pretend to be happy when you’re actually upset, you can be younger or older, you can look however you want to look… and ultimately, everything that you choose to reveal is what YOU choose to reveal, unlike in real life when body language (and pupils expanding) apparently give you away – if your audience actually bother to observe those things. That’s why we love the online world, I guess… and that brings up the issue of virtual reality versus actual reality.

It seems like facebook and the online world and technology are taking over real life – well, lately, my life, anyway! Tegan and I communicate mostly through email. Huong and I through text message. My penpals, through email and written letters. My parents and I through email, text and phone. And as wonderful as all those things are, as nice as it is seeing *hug*, ‘love you’ or xoxoxo in written form, making the distance seem less, there’s something about seeing the people I care about face-to-face, shaking hands, hugging, seeing a smile break out, seeing someone jump up and down waving goodbye like an idiot (me… oops), something that warms you inside in a way that xoxo never can. Because the people who know me better than I know me, can always tell when something’s wrong when they see me, and vice versa.

So, the online world is fun. It’s addictive. It’s easy to come to rely on it to read people, as I find myself doing. But ultimately, what we’re reading could be a complete lie. Even face-to-face, unless we really know the person, we can completely misread someone. ‘No man knows the thought another man has in his head’ goes one Bible verse, I forget where it’s found, and it’s true. There’s no way on here I’d talk about what I’m really feeling : AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MYSELF AND EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IS AGAINST ME I’M SO FAT WHY DOESN’T HE LIKE ME WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME NO ONE KNOWS HOW I REALLY FEEL I’M SO UGLY WILL SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TAKE NOTICE OF ME?!

Can I just say that the previous sentence is an example only? So that it’s not taken out of context

Maybe, ultimately, it’s a good thing we keep our thoughts largely to ourselves; we might be surprised at some of the things we could hear each other thinking!

“I want to be somebody”… yet, aren’t you already somebody?

Are we putting too much pressure on kids to ‘be someone’?

Remember when you were in primary school and everyone seemed to want to know what you wanted to be when you grew up..?

Here were my answers roughly:

Rozy, age 5: an author

Rozy, age 6: a teacher

Rozy, age 7: a circus performer

Rozy, age 8: a boy (hated pink, hated dolls, hated dresses, hated make-up… so for a few years there it seemed like guys had all the fun… luckily grew out of it)

Rozy, age 9: a vet

Rozy, age 10: an author (again)

Rozy, age 12: a pro tennis player

Rozy, age 14: a tennis coach

Rozy, age 16: an archaeologist

Rozy, age 17: an environmental scientist

Ros, age 18: I’m over it already

Is it to do with individualism? Or maybe it’s because there are so many choices available… like, in another society, a rice farmer’s son would most likely become a rice farmer and be happy with it. Often Huong and I have conversations about the good old days, when we were young and innocent and in primary school – and how differently things have turned out. Never thought I’d settle for just being happy… when you’re a kid it seems like you can take on the world and be anything or anyone you want to be… But I don’t have that job, no idea what the next few years will hold, and move around from place to place probably far too much…So does that mean I’m not somebody?

And yet,it’s the best feeling ever, to enjoy life now – and to be working towards rough goals, yes, but not to be obsessed with the success that comes with those goals (working on that one!).

Am learning that no matter how hard you try, you can’t change yourself – and *religious moment* only someone else can really, fully, change you from the inside out. You can move from place to place (as I frequently do haha), from job to job, from course to course, from relationship to relationship – and yes, over the years, you do change, but that change only comes with circumstances and experience.

This train of thought came about because of a discussion with my two young cousins, aged 9 and 11 – she wants to be a teacher, and he wants to be either a physio or a professional sportsman – preferably cricket, but maybe tennis. And it seems like it’s not just kids that have these dreams, but adults too, of both themselves and their kids… You know, like the proud mums who think their kids can be anything

Guess I should feel a little sold out that the myth of becoming someone is just that, a myth. You’re told you go to school, maybe work a couple of years, then go to uni, find that other someone, get the job – and then finally become a ’somebody’. But whatever the age, there’s always so much to learn and so many areas to grow in… which makes it so exciting!! Yeah, I’m still so so young and still so naive … but knowing that you’re already someone, not because of anything you do or anything you say or how you look or what family you were born into or anything that will ever happen, seems pretty damn exciting to me!

To know that you’ve made at least one person happy, that the world is at the very least not a darker place because of your existence – surely THIS is the essence of being somebody. But to try to live up to that very idealistic view of the world… well. It’s a work in progress and at the moment am nowhere near close.

Meanwhile, from my perspective, I’m already somebody, you’re already somebody, we’re all already somebody from the moment we’re born… Someone get the tissues *sniff*

‘Arranged Marriages’, Part 2

Today was my beautiful aunt’s birthday – 36 years old! The family celebrated with her by eating KFC and sitting around in front of the fireplace at a cousin’s house. By the family I mean a mix of Filipinos/Aussies/friends. The thing I love about my family - or the people who I consider make up my family - is that it’s so mixed. Sometimes we’re related, sometimes we aren’t. Most of the time we look nothing alike and at times we find ourselves speaking completely different languages. But that’s not what family’s about, right?

I rarely get to mix with that side of the family with living in a completely different town. But today got to get to know them a bit better. It’s hard to remember the respectful ‘Ate’ before the names of the older women and totally forgot it today, but I don’t think they worried about it. We laughed so much. And for the second time this weekend I found myself faced with the question, ‘Why don’t you have a boyfriend?’

Huong’s mum apparently asked her the same question the other day: ‘Why doesn’t your friend have a boyfriend? She’s got so many opportunities in the city at that uni.’ Until now I thought it was only Huong who got asked that question from her mum! And now the Ates are asking it too . So I told them I can’t decide, there are so many to choose from, which is what Huong said to say if the question ever arose, bless her. Which made them laugh but didn’t distract them at all because they then moved on to what was clearly the aim of the conversation.

Turns out, their younger brother is coming over in September who happens to be 21 and single… so they dropped some huge hints and I found myself promising to take him out with my friends so he can have younger company. Aargh. Call it family obligation. To make matters worse, one of the husbands said, ‘oh, from his photo, he’s very good looking’, and a family friend said ‘I’ll remember this conversation and hold you to it in September, Ros’. So now I’ll be making a special trip to the country to take this Dean out and show him Australia. Not that I’d usually mind; I like meeting new people and would love to show him around, it’s just the setting up thing that gets to me. For a moment I almost convinced them that I’d set him up with Tegan… until we found out that she’s 4 years older than him. Anyway, hence the title for this post, which of course refers back to earlier in the year when Tegan mentioned jokingly that she’d have to resort to an arranged marriage to get people off her case… and who’d have thought it would become a whole series of blog entries?

Aarh people are so well-meaning. And teasing – because they know it embarrasses me

It was a fun time. There are times when family is wonderful and other times when you want to be by yourself – like, my sister had massive tantrums all afternoon once we got home, and yelled or screamed at me constantly and kept trying to hit me if I even came near or in the same room as her – and since she tended to follow me around, it was a bit hard to avoid her. It’s times like those when I find it so hard to be patient, when I can’t even be in the same house as her because of her moods and when she repeats the same word over and over. Usually she wouldn’t be home and be in care, but she has a cold - so perhaps that’s why she’s been such a terrible grouch? Even so, maybe it’s time to look at some behaviour therapy.

And one other thing that’s been on my mind the last week is the issue of details versus big picture, a conversation that Tegan and I are in the process of having. Huong has this expression she loves to use because it makes both of us laugh (not that it takes much for either of us to laugh): ‘minor details’.

For example,

Huong: ‘Do you feel like a drive? Let’s go somewhere.’

Ros: ‘I kind of don’t have a car.’

Huong: ‘Minor details.’

Or:

Ros: ‘So what do you think of the new prime minister?’

Huong: ‘We have a new prime minister? Minor details.’

Of course she’s not serious… I think. Anyway, Tegan’s and my discussion was how much she likes to prepare for every eventuality and take care of the little things – which is her job, of course, and she’s brilliant at it. In situations where we’re not sure of ourselves, we both like to think about the details, like where the nearest exit is and where the pepper spray can is and how fast we can run…or, for me, where the nearest bucket is when I’m public speaking. My mother also loves to tell me the details of her day, as in how much the milk cost and how different that was from last week, and the ingredients she used in her cooking, and her menu for the evening, and what my uncle said on the phone. And this stuff is important to her.

To continue the theme, the other day got an essay back. It was covered with corrections and suggestions from the marker who in my opinion might be a bit pedantic. It was still a HD, so guess there’s no reason to complain. And even if I can’t see why ‘I therefore think’ should be ‘I, therefore, think’, he’s the one with the phd, not me. Sometimes – in fact, most times - my spelling and grammar and punctuation are pretty terrible; the ideas are there, and will still go through two or three drafts, but in the execution the minor details aren’t brilliant at all. So maybe it’s time to actually focus on the minor details and work on them – especially with only one semester left.

It’s the same with the piano – to me, so long as it sounds ok, it doesn’t matter if I don’t follow the music exactly,does it? (excluding performance exams of course) And driving too… hey, why not make a detour on the drive somewhere if it doesn’t mean you’re going to be too late – like Huong and I did the other night. Somehow we ended up in a completely different town, down south, at 10pm. And the only reason we ended up there was because we started talking… and talking… and talking… and the road kept going… and going… and going… and Ros kept driving… and driving… and driving a- nd the fuel gauge kept sinking… and sinking… and sinking

I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that I’m realising that it takes all types to make a world, to use the over-used expression. I like to be prepared without being super-organised and to know roughly what to expect, but I hate going over the minor details and knowing exactly how everything  is going to pan out, because it’s the extra stuff that makes it fun…so til now a compromise between the two has worked. Excluding public speaking, of course, when everything must be planned in my head in order for me to function normally, even if I do end up improvising. Tegan would maybe rather know everything beforehand and then enjoy herself in knowing that everything is going according to plan. Huong – well, we’ve known each other for 14 years and am still not entirely sure about her! But she HATES the minor details. 

Trying to figure this one out and not getting very far… clearly it’s time to go back to uni and stop trying to figure out the world. But, is there a right/better way? Of course not. Then life and people would be boring … and am pretty sure I wouldn’t love my friends or my mum as much as I do if they were exactly like me, because if Ros met Ros in real life Ros would drive Ros insane.

There might be a theme that brings this very long and rambling post together (hmm, read broad idea, forget the minor inconsistencies??)… and that is how much we encounter difference and diversity each day. There’s no right way, just as there’s no right family, no right friendship, no right way of communicating, no right way of dealing with life. Love my family so much, and love my friends so much. Don’t know why they put up with me – but they do, and life is so much the richer and more interesting – and diverse – for their company along the way.

Voices

Editor’s note: the voices contained in the following dialogue do not necessarily constitute the opinion of the author. This passage is based on a post from approximately a year ago of a slightly different nature, when the other voice, the voice that SHE (being the author) had previously interpreted according to her own wishes, had somewhat less of an influence. And can I just say that no, I’m not a ruthless dictator and yes, this is a very strange post, even by previous standards.

Is she here?

WHO?

Shh! Not so bold! She might read us.

Oh sorry. Who?

 The Editor.

Oh, the editor…

 No, The Editor.

Right, The Editor.

Yes. I wanted to have a private word with you, and I was scared she might delete it.

Can I join?

And me?

 Bloody hell. How many of us are there?

Well, at this very moment, today, this week…?

Alright, alright, we’ll be here all day if you start. Fine, you can both stay.

Oh goody. This will be just like a family reunion.

Please tell me you did not just say ‘goody’.

Uh… sorry. It won’t happen again.

Good. Now, I wanted to talk to you because -

Umm – is this going to be a boring conversation? Because if so, I’ve got SO many other things I could be doing right now. And, she’s hogging all the marshmallows.

Hey, I brought them. Anyway I deserve a bit of slack. I’m the one who does all the real work around here.

What! Just because you study all day and half the night and stop us from having any fun – call that work?

Well, if you ran things during the semester, we’d all be out visiting friends, watching movies, eating junk, slacking off. In 5 years time you’ll all be thanking me for the effort I put in. But right now it seems that no one appreciates me at all.

Oh right, and who does SHE turn to when she actually wants to live a real life? Me, that’s who, not you with all your impossible standards.

 Oh please don’t, you know I hate it when you guys fight.

 Well, we all know what a baby you are, never any fun…

Hey! We’ll all probably be Edited out anyway, so enough of the bickering… Now, the reason I wanted to talk to you, not these two clowns here, is because… well, don’t you think The Editor’s been on a bit of a rampage lately?

What’s a rampage?

‘Rampage’ – a noun in this instance… oh I’m so STUPID! Why don’t I know the difference between my nouns and adjectives? I SHOULD, I SHOULD!

There there, don’t let it get to you. We all appreciate how hard you work. It’s not important, you‘re fine just the way you are.

Ohh… I thought rampage was a vegetable. Like cabbage.

You would. And there should be a semicolon in that previous sentence.

Aargh for crying out loud, why must I endure this?! Be quiet you two, or you can go. And I was just about to say the same thing – about the semicolon, I mean. Who’s the critic around here, anyway?

I think ‘rampage’ is um, well, maybe a bit of a harsh word to use, don’t you think?

Pfft. Have you seen how much back-editing that’s been happening lately?

Well, SHE doesn’t have any assignments due at the moment. And The Editor does have the loudest voice these days, you know, with university and assignments and everything…

And that’s thanks to all my efforts, but does anyone appreciate me? Nooooo.

Well, we all know what a bore you are. If I had my way SHE’D have a life, and be out having some fun, instead of listening to you all the time.

Don’t you think you‘re maybe being a little too critical? I mean, just a tad, not that you can help it since you are the critical voice, and no offence or anything, we all think you‘re fine just the way you are.

Of course I’m critical! Someone needs to be critical around here or we’d spend all day being sentimental like you.

Well, I know that you do actually appreciate me, in spite of comments like that, so of course I’ll forgive you. But, um, it almost sounds like to me that, um, you‘re being critical of being critical. Which is a good thing, don’t get me wrong; oh dear, this isn’t coming out right at all.

As a completely impartial observer, it seems to me that you all don’t really like changes much, do you?

And who are you?

Oh, we’ve met. It’s not one of our voices – it’s from something outside…

Probably a good thing we’ve never met, I expect, if you know this voice.

I might not be strong now – but later perhaps I’ll deepen and deepen. Guess you could say that I’m the still, small voice you hear after a thunderstorm, the voice that must be obeyed when it says to do something, a voice that is both gentle and commanding at the same time…

 Really? Fascinating. I’m happy for you. We don’t do any ’s around here by the way… and we refer to her as HER or SHE because SHE’s the most important being around here.

Yes, and no matter who you are, SHE’LL always need me – studying, working, whatever.

Yes, but who does SHE call on when SHE’s tired of you?

Hey, I just spent all afternoon with HER at the library! But do you hear me complaining or asking for accolades? Nooo…

Well, if you need me, here I AM. A different voice. A voice from something else, something outside… At the moment I may not have much space, but perhaps in time the Editor will allow me in a bit more.

Pfft and we all know how lenient The Editor is. You‘re just a wishy-washy half voice – one that’s based on an imagined external element.

 I don’t know that ‘element’ is the right word to use here… maybe ‘force’ or ‘being’. And yes, I agree, because nothing is as important as study and achieving.

Hey, I don’t think it really matters who’s the most important voice. SHE needs all of us.

Yeah, of course you‘d say that.

Only I am intelligent enough to understand the irony contained within that previous statement. And I am laughing silently.

 You‘ve said more than enough today.

Anyway, I can think of several other things I could be doing right now – i.e. OUT HAVING A LIFE.

Alright, fine, all ignore me, then. I still stand by my opinion – there’s been far too much editing lately. I thought you’d agree with me, but you’re all too full of yourselves. I’m surprised you haven’t all been edited out already.

It’s obvious that The Editor likes us all equally.

Oh, ou think that while you CAN still think or while you even still have a voice – but I’m the one who does all the real thinking around here. I’m the one that pulls the grades, that puts food on the table, that brings in all the praise, that…

You missed a letter and a colour. And none of you will ever drown me out. I’m too loud and too critical.

Or me. I’m too much fun.

La la la

Please tell me you’re not singing. Oh save us. Soon SHE’ll be going around the house singing too. And ENOUGH WITH THE ’S!

She does sing a lot these days… she’s rather happy. And it’s the kind of happiness that isn’t based on anything she’s ever done or can do. Grace might be the word.

Aargh I’m surrounded by buffoons.

I couldn’t agree more. Anyway, much as I am enjoying this intellectually stimulating conversation (that was irony, by the way, though I suspect that no one here besides me even knows what ‘irony’ is), I should be helping HER to study now. So, night all.

Yes, goodnight.

Enjoy HER company while you can.

I’ve got a headache. You’re all hopeless incomepetents.

We love you too.

That smiley face will be scrapped in the first edit, hear me?

 

Hey, where’d everyone go?

I’m here. Perhaps you’re just choosing not to hear me.

Am I the only one who thinks this post is a little… disturbing? And confusing? Not to mention… ridiculous?

Hello?

An Update

Since my current record stands at writing a blog when I’m feeling lonely and settling back into uni, and ignoring it for the rest of the year, thought I’d break with tradition and write a mid-year post. Keep getting comments from people who actually read this blog, so thank you! (Even if most of them are spam) I’m always surprised to realise that other people observe and make judgements… which is why you should probably be careful what you post in the online world haha. Or you could just hide from the world in general – it’s so much more comfortable to be invisible .

Ummmm so what’s been happening… I went to Melbourne. It was cold and dingy and dirty but loved the trip and had a lot of fun. I didn’t plan anything so pretty much just woke up in the morning and decided what I was going to do. That was rather nice. And am heading to Indonesia in a couple of weeks; meanwhile am looking after mum and dad’s place while they go off on their annual mid-year trek. Spent the last few days staying with some friends in a rural area who I hadn’t caught up with properly since Christmas Eve; it was such a great time and we laughed a lot.

It’s sinking in that there’s only one more semester to go before a BA. It’s time to move on, but I’m a bit sad about it too. Uni is wonderful – minus stress and assignments and the ‘uni bug’ that everyone gets around week 6 when we all catch the same virus. But it’s also so safe and comfortable, particularly in my subjects which don’t really face the real world at all. This year have had a massive priority shift, in how much time I spend on study and in motivations - as in, grades aren’t everything, and people are much more important than knowledge and achievements. It turns out good grades are pretty unimportant in real life… though we still want them of course haha.

Speaking of that, got 90% for an essay the other day. Would have probably been 94% if I hadn’t submitted two days late. It’s the 5th HD1, but still so so stoked and want to tell lots and lots of people (as in, brag???) – so the best way is to announce it from a blog? haha. oh dear. that label nerd keeps creeping up – nooooo. will have to make sure I don’t use excessively eloquent phraseology, splel things wrong and use Incorrect punctuation and grammar. ohhh it is time to stop being an undergraduate and to grow up … and to stop being so lame!

The great thing is that with this re-evaluation of uni has come new experiences and new friends. I can’t describe how much I’m loving church (who’d have thought, Ros and religion again?). But am trying to monitor it, and not become churchy or self-righteous or most importantly, not forget God. The last couple of years away from a comfort zone have been such a learning curve – and don’t want to lose that sense of God being so real and so awesome and so outside any of the boxes or doctrines or structures we impose … after all, God doesn’t do roll call on Sunday morning, to use a quote from a favourite book.

Have already learned a hard lesson this year in image and in being real, not pretending or saying one thing and actually being total opposite. It’s so easy to get caught up in image, to be concerned about being vulnerable, and to get so focused on I and me and myself that I forget the most important thing – which isn’t me at all. Hopefully I can have both – and hopefully God will come first. Am so excited about new womens’ programs that aren’t intended to be churchy. And love the youth meetings and the music and have met some truly awesome people who hopefully will become friends. A life outside uni - who’d have thought?

So, this week am sorting through stuff, catching up on paperwork, waiting anxiously for grades to come out, sorting out flights and meeting with my poor neglected dear country friends… and making the most of the freedom. This is probably the last ever uni holiday because planning on working at the end of the year, so trying to make the most of it. But it’s a good thing there are a lot of things to catch up on because even now am getting fidgety from not doing anything. Not doing anything encompasses driving 450km, doing tax, a going-away party tonight with my best friend, and going over old essays. I’m going insane from not doing anything

Meanwhile there are people to catch up with and places to see. Oh it’s wonderful to be young and 22, to be blessed with wonderful family and friends, and to love life :)